Radical Self Love
December 4, 2020
One of my dear soul sisters and I were discussing what "radical self-love" means to us the other day on a three hour face-time call. Ashley lives in California and we don't catch up enough but when we do our conversations usually have a mixture of happy tears, sad tears, blissful laughter and everything in between. When she popped the question "What does radical self love mean to you?" my first thought was a mudra I have been doing lately in my yoga and mediation practice: vajrapradama mudra (image from Mudras for Awakening by Alison DeNicola).
When I hold this mudra on my heart I remind myself that my hands and my heart are tools for self-love. The longer I am able to sit with this message, I always feel a burst of freedom. Some days it's murky and it feels a bit out of reach, but I know it's there and that is reassuring. Other days this sense of freedom covers my body in tingles and I feel completely energized. Using my hands and heart as tools to take care of myself is a bit of a revolutionary act. Brene Brown says "It takes courage to say YES to rest and play in a culture where exhaustion is seen as a status symbol".
My radical self love journey was enhanced with my first yoga training in 2013. I had just turned 30 and decided to say YES to a dream that had been filling my heart and visions. This journey has brought the wildest and calmest visions into myself. This journey has allowed me to meet life-long soulmates with yoga teachers, fellow inspirational classmates at my Costa Rica and Italy trainings, my yoga students turned friends and the most incredible of these yoga relationships being my cosmic-ray-of-light husband. Evan and met when I shared a workshop at the high school he was teaching at. (That story is for it's own blog post!)
Yoga has most likely saved my life. It has helped me manage hypertension as well as created space and awareness for my emotions through loss and grief with my miscarriages. My yoga practice is an altar to my soul and I honor my mat and my practice wherever I am on the globe! Radical self-love for me is that if it's time for my practice I will make it happen whether I am in an airport, hotel, beach, friend's house, or.... in my home (like for the past 9 months). Another aspect of radical self-love is saying NO and firming up boundaries. This is a work in progress for me because you know what I realized?! I will say "no" to something, but then I will feel guilt. The more I practice self-love and nurture my confidence, the more room I create to remove guilt. I begin to feel more aware of what I have control over and take responsibility for my words/actions, not taking accountability where others may have fallen short on their own responsibilities.
I took a leap this past January when I resigned from my school teacher job of nine years, that challenged me but also brought me great purpose, to dive head-first into the Soulshine vision that had been slowly birthing into existence since 2016. As I sit with my reflections on radical self-love I realize my decision to listen to my intuition has not only affirmed my dharma but also allowed me to hold space in my virtual community for friends/family around the globe to do the same.
I realize everything I have ever lost has a place on my journey, since it has set me free. Radical self love takes extreme courage. My courage to allow this freedom to seep into the wounds has sealed my scars with the wildflowers that truly grow only in the fertile soil of my past struggles, pains, and grief.
If any of this resonates with you, please join me on the mat.